I feel pressured to write this article because there are some amongst us who are caught up in the 4chan craze; the lolcats, the black afros, “yo dawgs”, putting a picture of an animal on a colourful background with some mindbendingly uncreative, unintelligent dribble. I ask but one thing of you all…
Stop it. Fuck off. Seriously. Enough.
These things are cool if you are 15, socially challenged or new to the internet. They don’t make you funny, they make you as lame as everyone else. Y
ou aren’t witty. You aren’t clever. You’re regurgitating the same shit that some ritalin-affected 15 year old kid from the USA formulated back in 2003, which was successfully “killed with fire” until some hip-trendy-groover found a thread on SomethingAwful and though “LOL I WILL SHOW THIS TO MY FRIENDS BECAUSE I FAIL AT SOCIAL CIRCLES AND NEED TO SOMEHOW BOOST MY POPULARITY SO I CAN FUCK THAT AWESOMLEY HOT CHICK THAT WONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE I HAVE A DIAGONAL HAIRCUT AND MAKEU
P, BRB LISTENING TO <INSERT LATE 2000′s PUNK/EMO/GRINDCORE/PUNKDEATHMETAL BAND BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND MY LIFE TROUBLES-BAND>”.
I’m not talking about those that get a giggle out of captioned cat photos. Hell, cats fucking rule, go for it. I don’t like being a killjoy. Whatever makes you happy. I’m just trying to save those that still have a chance of recovery. It’s those that don’t realise (or weren’t told) that shit like this is meant to stay on the net, away from the uninfected masses. It’s called an internet meme because IT’S MEANT TO STAY ON THE FUCKING INTERNET YOU TROGLODITES. If I ever hear someone again gleefully exclaim the words “THE GAME” again, I swear to
Zues I will find the nearest solid object and ram it so far up your rectum you’ll be spewing concrete and steel. Hades himself will see the amount of rage being hurled and will be like “fuck no he aint coming to my crib, fuck that, dude is WHACKED”.
Why is “clonny” so angry I hear you ask (yes, I can hear you, I’m that fucking awesome, and yes I’m going to fucking cut your genitals out for using “clonny”). One, because my headphones are broken, and THAT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF TO NO END. What you are witnessing is a Shane that has been unable to listen to music. My mind is unique, and it requires music to sooth the beast that lurks (I’m actually pretty good mates with the beast, we get along OK, but he’s a little too “wierd” for the general population), so when I don’t get to listen to Deadmau5 for longer than a few hours my rageometer starts to rise rapidly.
The second is because I recently got permanently banned from a local gaming organisation because of “Reason: Constant trolling”. Now, most of you know me pretty well. I couldn’t give two fucks about being banned from a forum (unless it’s by webber because webber has something against tight leprechaun ass). You know I don’t troll. Instead of trolling, I’ll outright tell people why they fail at life, and provides hints and tips to assist them on the road to recovery, or to overcome their hurdle. I guess you could say my brand of support is unique, hard hitting and unrelenting, but it is not trolling. Not by a long shot. And my issue isn’t that I was banned, it’s the reason “trolling”.
Trolling didn’t exist as an internet past-time until recently, within the last few years. And yes, for those that have been on the internet as long-and-longer than I have, we both know trolling as an artform has existed for much longer than that, but it was localised. It wasn’t mainstream or personal, let alone so widely accepted. It was a well thought out, well played and often purposeful method of dealing with someone without reducing the level of conversation to “I fucked your mum last night”. It’s the new generation of internet-savvy users. The bebo’ers, the gaia-onliners, the fanstatico-furry-ers that started this practise of mindless, unwitty and generic form of online abuse that killed the art. These days you can’t do or say anything without being trolled, or being labelled as the troller.
Seriously. Dear Internet, grow the fuck up. Mature a little. Be individual. Do your own thing. Use that noodly grey stuff inside that thick dome upon your neck and make a difference to the world. Help me banish this disease, this PLAGUE that we are all being subject to back to the dingy mould-ridden grotto it came from.
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Oh, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Years robots!
